Their Story
by castleelovee
Summary: Kate notices some minor changes in Castle that should have told her she was losing her best friend. Will Kate be able to gain the perspective needed to save their relationship? Will Castle be able to move on and forgive?
1. questioning your feelings

I do not own any of these characters.

When Kate was walking out of the precinct that morning in December, the first thing that she noticed was Castle waiting outside of Captain Montgomery's office. They hadn't had a new case yet so there wasn't a reason for him to be here…. _Why is he here? _She thought.

"Castle?" she asked as she approached him.

Surprise was embedded into his deep blue eyes, almost as if he was surprised to see her here already. Almost as if he didn't want to see her… Why wouldn't he though? They had been continuing their normal banter up until 3 weeks ago. 3 weeks ago. 3 weeks ago she said some things she regretted.

_Flashback_

"_Just admit it Beckett, you need me and are glad that I am here to help you, after all I was an asset to this case."_

"_Castle. No." she quipped back. _

_He was sober now and she knew he wanted to ask something. She could tell from the look in his eyes he needed to know, but what?_

"_What is it Castle?"_

"_Can I ask you something Kate?"_

"_It's Beckett. And sure."_

"_Why don't you trust me?"_

_Disbelief came across her face. He thought she didn't trust him? Of course she did! Well… she didn't trust him entirely especially after he purposely investigated her mother's murder when she told him to stay out of it._

"_What?"_

"_Why don't you trust me?" he repeated. _

"_I don't know what you mean."_

"_Well for starters you don't let me call you Kate. You keep me out of your life because you think it should be kept private. But I want to know about you Kate. Why can't you let me in?"_

"_You think you know me, but you don't Castle. Since day one when I met you all you did was care about getting me in bed, right? Just because you follow me around because of your friend Bob doesn't mean I want you to know anything about me."_

_His voice was still calm when he asked this, "Do you consider us friends, Detective?"_

_She paused at this question while having an internal battle about telling the truth. Deciding she should tell the truth, despite what he may turn it into, she said, "Yes."_

"_Really? Because friends let each other in on certain things. You just shut me out. Have I not let you into my own life?"_

"_Castle…"_

"_Tell me detective, did I not let you into my life? Did I not allow you to get to know me, not just for getting you into bed? I don't just want to get you into bed Kate."_

"_Yes you did let me in, but that was your choice. I never asked for that. You could have always just watched and observed me from a distance but you were pushy."_

"_You're right, I was. But let me ask you this and this is all I really need to know, do you regret when I started shadowing you? Do you really think you were better off without me? Do you honestly hate when we banter or when I get to know some more things about you? Because I think you do. You don't trust me. Did you honestly mean it all those times when you wished I wasn't here bugging you while on a case?"_

"_Castle…."_

"_DAMMIT!" he exclaimed. "Did you mean it? Did you mean all those things you said about me? Me being egotistical, selfish and everything else?"_

"_I only said those things because I didn't know you yet. Everything I said was before I got to know you and your childish ways, I know now that it's just apart of whom you are. It's in your nature to put on a happy face and make some wise ass remarks."_

"_You see me Kate, like no one else ever has. So why won't you let me see you?"_

_Reluctant to give an answer, she stared into his deep blue orbs, which were clouded with determination and confusion until he asked his next question._

"_Do you think that if I weren't here you'd be happier? Maybe with Will?"_

"_I don't know Castle. Sometimes I can't help but wonder what would have been if you weren't here. What does Will have to do with this though?" she asked. _

"_Nothing I was just wondering" he replied. _

"_Tell me what you're thinking. What's your theory? Let me in."_

"_Why? Because it feels like I'm the only one who ever really shares anything! Why is it so bad for me to get to know you?"_

"_Because you did something even after I told you not to do, just like when I tell you to stay in the car but someone you just end up in a fight with a suspect!"_

_He paused. Even though she had forgiven him, they still were treading lightly on the subject of his betrayal. To him, he did not betray her but she never listened to his reasoning. After a few moments of silence he said, "You don't even know the true story about me looking into your mother's case."_

"_Really? I think otherwise. You just needed a little back-story for your Nikki Heat character. Have fun using that in your book while you go out with every other girl in the city because you're such a tool. Maybe that's why I don't want to get to know you. Just like I said on the day we met, you just want me to be another one of your conquests."_

_She knew that was a low blow. She knew that he must have had a reason but she never asked. She knew that he was concerned for her, yet she pushed him away. She knew that lately, he hadn't been having any "sleepovers" and didn't have any dates. He was proving to her that he wanted her. Just her. She knew all of this after she looked into his eyes and saw the pain, the disbelief, and the sorrow. _

_Castle was still looking at her with such emotion it was getting hard to handle. Luckily, he said, "You know, it's fine let's just drop it." Castle turned on his heels and was almost out of the precinct when she caught up to him after a light jog. _

"_Castle, what did you mean about me being with Will?"_

_She saw his hesitation in turning around. She knew that he would be trying to protect himself from her, and who wouldn't? She had hurt so many people in her life along the way, specifically people she didn't care about. But she cared about Castle and she always thought that if she hurt him, he would just perk back up and find a different approach. But now she was beginning to see that he could do more, he could leave._

"_Nothing like I said. I'll stay out of your way Detective. Goodbye." _

_Castle began to turn around but before he started walking away, she did something out of the ordinary._

_

* * *

A/N - review if you want to see more_


	2. goodbyes sound so final

I do not own any of these characters.

_(Continued Flashback from previous chapter)_

_Kate grabbed Castle's hand and asked, "Goodbye?"_

"_Yes Detective, goodbye."_

"_Will I see you tomorrow?" she asked._

_He hesitated, as if he was making a very hard decision._

"_No. Goodbye." he said. With that, he left the precinct and Kate wouldn't see him except during the case, with a serious mask on._

_Later that night she kept replaying what she said and his implied words in her mind whenever she could. What did Will have anything to do with this? He probably thinks something is going on after he saw us kissing… Will just came back then. He must have been jealous, I don't know. Dates. He hadn't been having any lately and a week ago when she asked him about it, he said he hadn't had one for months. He said he was trying to prove that he really liked someone, all the while looking at her deeply with such fondness in his eyes saying no one else fit the bill. _

_When a case broke loose, Kate no longer found him just hanging around waiting for a lead or a suspect, and she most certainly didn't find him making up any outrageous stories anymore. When she did see him or try to talk to him, no jokes were said, no stories were told, and no emotional glances between the two were shared. _

_End Flashback_

"Castle?" she asked again trying to snap him out of his daze.

"Oh, hello Detective. I was just a little distracted there."

"I can see that…" she said with curiosity and suspicion in her tone now.

"So what are you doing here? We don't have a case right now." Kate said.

"Oh… Um… I have to chat with the captain about something…"

"Sounds to me like you're hiding something… What is it, kitten?" she asked through clenched teeth.

"Uh… I'm planning on asking him to partake in the poker game. Yeah that's it.

"Castle" she growled but before she continued she spotted Montgomery. She continued, "Anyways it looks like he just walked in." she said as she gestured over towards the entrance.

"Well yes it does. Actually, I think I'll just catch him later while less people are here…"

"Everyone's going home about now anyway so stay. Do you need me to go in with you?"

"NO! No, no that won't be necessary" he said while he tried to calm himself down.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing I just need to notify him about something but like I said I'll do it when there are fewer people around."

"No need, I was just leaving. Will I see you tomorrow?" she asked for the second time this month, letting a little emotion be present in her eyes, hope.

"What?" he asked confused.

"It's a simple question or do you need to go back to kindergarten?" she baited him, waiting to hear his quick and witty response.

To her surprise, no quick and witty response came. He answered without a joke, without emotion, "Oh, well I'm not sure, it depends on if the captain allows me to do this."

"Do what?"

"Nothing of a high importance to you." He said in a low voice, but somehow she felt like whatever he was doing was very important to her, life changing.

He continued, "Until…."

"Tomorrow?" she offered.

"No, I don't think so. Goodbye" he said with finality for the second time this month.

Goodbye? She thought as she watched him walk into the captain's office. Castle never said goodbye to her, only three weeks ago. He always says "until tomorrow" or something that doesn't sound so… final. Surely he was coming back; it wasn't like he was banned from the precinct or anything. Her mind began to wander back to last night when she went to his apartment… When she begged to know what was going on. _I guess I'll find out tomorrow_.


	3. a conversation with the captain

I do not own any of these characters.

Kate had gotten a call from Montgomery at 8 o'clock that morning. He said there was some paperwork to be done at work today but she could be gone by 12 if she came in now. He also said he had to tell her something before she left.

It was 11:15 now and she finished the paperwork early since Castle wasn't around to bug her. Yet, she missed the author's presence and wondered why he wasn't there. Even when there wasn't a case he could be found hanging around.

She got up and walked over to Montgomery's office but was sidetracked when she saw Esposito and Ryan talking. Making a quick decision to not listen, she quickly walked away but she still heard a snippet of the conversation.

"I wonder what happened. It couldn't have been worse than him investigating her mother's murder but all I know is that I'm gonna miss the guy. He lightened the place up and made her happy."

Kate continued to the office and knocked on the open door.

"You wanted to see me Captain?"

"Kate, you're done earlier than I thought you would be." He said as he motioned for her to close the door.

"Yeah well, I can get things done a lot faster without Castle around."

"Does he really bother you that much?"

"He's like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush. Does that answer your question?"

Kate watched as a flicker of emotion crossed the captain's face. She saw sadness, worry.

"Is Castle alright Captain?"

"Yes. Of course."

"Well then where is he? He's normally here bothering us or shadowing us even when we don't want him to."

"Detective, you won't need to worry about that anymore."

_What? Castle couldn't have left, not after our conversation the other night. _She thought while also remembering what Ryan and Esposito were saying.

"Sir, did Castle…?" she left the words unspoken, hoping it wasn't true.

"Castle left. He said that although he was planning on writing more Nikki Heat books, he didn't want any one to feel discomfort. When I asked why he was leaving, he said that he knew he was a hassle to have around, just more precautions to be met. He wanted me to tell you something though."

"What?"

"He said to tell you that every moment he was here, he enjoyed being with you and you were a true inspiration. He wanted me to give you this." Captain Montgomery handed here a letter clearly marked KB in Castle's scrawl while saying, "Also said something about you being better without him here anymore." The captain said as he carefully took in her emotions.

"I thought he would stay," she whispered while looking into the captain's eyes. She saw pity, something she did not like others to feel towards or about her.

"Kate, we all want him here. I know that you don't always see eye to eye on these sorts of things, but he was helpful on many cases. I also wanted to tell you that since he's been here consulting on cases, your solved crimes have doubled, and it hasn't even been a full year yet."

"You always said he was an asset to the team Captain, why did you let him quit?"

She watched as Roy glanced over her, making sure she was ready for his answer but he prolonged it by asking, "The truth Kate?"

"Yes" she managed to say.

"I saw the emotions between the two of you. And before you stop me Kate, I need to say this because you were so oblivious. He cared for you, a great deal as a matter of fact. He chased after you and although you may have though I didn't see, each time you turned him down. A guy can only take so much rejection until he snaps. The main reasons I let him go was because he explained to me that although you built a bridge about him looking into your mothers case, yes, I did know about that, he knew you still held it against him."

"Captain…"

"What's done is done now though Detective. He left because he couldn't take it any more. You should know that to observers, he gave up so much just to be here doing something he sure as hell did not need to. Following around a detective? He has enough money that he doesn't even need to write or have a job for the rest of his life. He took this job personally because he wanted to spend time with you, he even admitted it to me. I know you're a very reserved person Kate, but he tried to do something good with your mother's case. You didn't even give him the time of day to explain himself. Talk to Lanie about his motive, it's more in her area and I know they talked before he left."

"Sir, I have to go… would it be possible for me to take the week off?" she asked with pleading eyes.

Captain Roy Montgomery saw the sadness in her eyes and agreed that it would be best if she took some time off. _How can people who are so right for one another just let go? _He thought as he watched Kate walk out of the precinct.

(A/N) Remember to add this story to your story alerts or me to your author alerts! Please review and suggestions are always welcome and appreciated (:


	4. a beginning, a middle, an unwanted end

As always, I do not own any of these characters. This is so far my favorite chapter because of the letter so GIVE ME FEEDBACK AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

She felt no emotion. She didn't take in her surroundings as she drove home that day. She didn't care to know anything about the current case. She didn't let any emotion show until she was underneath her covers in her bedroom thinking about the goodbye.

Kate kept thinking about what he asked those three weeks ago. "_Do you regret when I started shadowing you? Do you really think you were better off without me?" _Of course she was glad to have him in her presence but she hadn't said that. She didn't tell him what she was thinking which was why they were in this predicament.

Kate finally emerged from under her covers and stayed in her bed. Her eyes wandered off to the nightstand where the letter lay and decided she could no longer take the suspense. She grabbed the envelope and opened the letter marked KB to find their story written.

_Dear Kate, _

_I know you don't like me calling you Kate because it breaks down the barrier between us. By me calling you Kate, it allows me to become close to you, however, since this is our story and my last goodbye, I find it fit._

_The beginning of our story began with a murder, just like many of my own novels. When I met you that first day, I knew that you were unique, savvy, and very intellectual. You made me think and challenged me, which was something no other woman could make me do before you. When you were told that I would be shadowing you and would be basing a book on you, I could tell that you were very displeased but I hoped that would change soon, that you would see I truly did care about you even after just one meeting._

_The middle of our story was when you began to tell me little things about you. You have no idea how much those little details meant to me when you told me. You were letting me in and for that, I was truly grateful. If you didn't notice, all of those little things that I loved about you never made it into my book. Not because I couldn't work them in, but because they didn't feel right being part of Nikki Heat's story. Just like how there are differences between Kate and Nikki's story, there are differences between yours and my story compared to Nikki's and Rook's. Nikki and Rook overcame the barrier and became lovers, but we will never be able to do that I see now. Some people just aren't meant to be. Anyways, Kate is completely different than Nikki personally. I never based anything about Nikki truly on you. You may be wondering why I was following you then. For the most part I was around for the cases because I enjoyed spending time with you and you wouldn't even let me take you out to dinner. I also followed you to experience your work ethic; you are a truly devoted detective, which still amazes me. When I remember our conversations, the one that sticks out the most is when you told me you thought that I wanted you to be one of my conquests, but that was never the case. I always wanted you to be so much more, the one. When I went out on dates I found no such luck in finding someone like you, you were it for me. I would never bring them home like you thought I did and I sometimes led you to believe hoping that it would get a reaction out of you. I only ever wanted you; you brought something good out of me. The things that you told me, the parts of your life made me happy, even when you just told me something so simple like an old childhood memory. It truly made my day. When you told me about your mother, I was distraught for sometime. How could a little girl who was so innocent have a life like that? I know even today you do not understand my motives about your mother's case, but perhaps one day you will. I truly hope that you will see what drove me to dig deeper but I know you may not want to, pain leads you to overrule your desire to see the truth quite often._

_The end of our story came when I told you I looked into your mother's case. You thought I did it for ulterior motives and you may think what you think. No matter how mad you were at me though, I still hoped something developed between us. You were it for me because you are extraordinary and remarkable, you help me through sad times, and you are always yourself. I tried to prove to you that you could count on me by being there for you, the third most important woman in my life (besides Alexis and Mother), but I realized that you liked that you had walls that separated the two of us. When you told me about your mother, it took down that barrier between us and I knew you were out of your comfort zone, yet you still allowed me to see you in a new light. The one thing that I want, no NEED, you to know is that I will never stop caring for you and our relationship was never for Nikki Heat. You became my friend that I counted on but I could only take so many rejections. It may have been odd for you to read that I thought you were it for me, considering that we were just friends or people who worked together in your mind, but no other woman compares to you Miss. Beckett. You are extraordinary KB. This is the end of our story Kate._

_Yours truly, _

_Rick_

Kate re-read the words over and over again. She had never read anything of Rick's, did she just say Rick's?, work that held so much emotion. She had read all of his novels of course, but this was different. His novels held some emotion, but their story was unique. While she read, she experienced his emotions deeply, but she couldn't understand one. He had written that he wants her to dig deeper to find out why he investigated her mother's murder, but she doesn't understand. "_pain leads you to overrule your desire to see the truth quite often" _was the one sentence that kept replaying in her mind_. _Was it that simple though? Could Castle have gotten it right? The pain that he caused, that no other friend could have, held her back from wanting to seek out his motivations? When Kate finishes reading the letter for about the 5th or 6th time, she turns it over in her hand to find a single line written.

_You were so much more than my muse Kate._

Three weeks. Not a lot of time, yet so much had changed. She really needed some insight and figured the best way to get it was to ask Lanie.

Leaping out of the bed to grab her cell phone she called Lanie.

"Girl you have got to be kidding me. It's 2 o'clock in the morning!"

"Lanie? Could you come over?"

"Now?!"

"Yes."

"You are so damn lucky you are my best friend. I'm assuming this has something to do with Castle?"

"Lanie! Just come over now!" she said before hanging up the phone.

(A/N) IN THE NEXT CHAPTER (LOOK AWAY IF YOU DONT WANT TO KNOW).... Lanie and Kate's conversation.


	5. lanie knows all

Sadly, I do not own any of these characters.

Little had been said since Lanie arrived at 2:15 after Kate called. All the interaction the two had with each other was a few friendly embraces and passing of spoons for the ice cream. Lanie and Kate were now sitting on Kate's couch in her living room eating strawberry ice cream with two spoons out of the carton.

"OK, enough is enough. What's the deal with Castle?"

"You know Lanie, maybe we shouldn't be talking about this right now. It's late and you must be tired…" she said, attempting to make all of it go away.

"No. You wake me up at 2 in the morning and BEG me to come over here to what? Have some ice cream and then leave? Honey, I could have had this ice cream at home and not at two in the morning so what's up?"

"I didn't beg" Kate mumbled.

"Well frankly I think you did! Now what's up with you and writer boy?"

"You know don't you? Montgomery said Rick stopped by and talked to you before he left.

"Ohhh, now it's Rick? Isn't that a little too personal for your liking Kate?"

"Lanie! I just need to know what that nine year old said to you about his reasons for looking into my mother's murder!"

"Well aren't we a little cranky? And it's more about what I asked him. You honestly should have asked him about it because then you wouldn't be sitting here eating out of a Ben and Jerry's container with me."

"Where would I be the, Miss. Know It All Medical Examiner?"

"You would probably be going at it for round two in Rick Castle's bed right now!"

"Lanie! He lives with his mother and daughter!"

"Ahh but you still have though about round two with him I see. That means you must have thought about round one…" she said suggestively.

"Lanie, I really would like my mind to be at rest soon so if you wouldn't mind, tell me what happened."

"Fine but one condition."

"Ugh, what?"

"Well actually two. You have to agree to the condition first."

"You are so lucky my head is in a fog right now otherwise I would never agree to this. I agree. Now what's the other condition?"

"At the end of this conversation, if you see where Rick's drive to find your mother's killer came from, you go to his apartment and talk to him."

"I can't believe I just agreed to that. He has a family Lanie! I'll wake them up!"

"Kate, I never knew you were THAT loud in bed." The M.E. teased.

"Sooo not what I meant Lanie."

"I kid, I kid. Anyways I know both his mother and daughter are our right now so hah!" she said while sticking out her tongue.

"Can you continue, well actually begin, the story now?"

"Hmm… where would you like me to start?"

"Lanie, seriously? There is more than one place to start? Where could you start?"

"Well I could start out with how you feel about him, how he feels about you, how you trust him sometimes but other times you don't, how he lets you in but you don't reciprocate, how he looked into something you told him not to, or how he left and now you are distraught" she said while stealing a glance at the detective.

"Um… that's a lot."

"Kate, how about I just speak freely? Because honestly, you have no idea how much I need to tell you about his poor boy and how you mistreated him and -"

Kate immediately interrupted the medical examiner/best friend. "I MISTREATED HIM?! YEAH RIGHT!"

"Sweetie. I am going to be saying some things that you don't want to be hearing, but I will continue to say them because I really don't give a damn because you need to hear it. Now just like you tell your writer monkey, you observe and not participate, got it?"

Before answering "yes," Kate gave Lanie the well-known "Beckett Glare."

"Hush you." Lanie said before diving right into "The Rick and Kate Story".

(A/N) IN THE NEXT CHAPTER…. The next chapter will have Lanie being well, Lanie and knowing more than she really should, making it hopefully better (but no promises). And yes I know this chapter was not as long or as good as the others but I just needed to set the scene in a way for the upcoming chapter.

JUST A QUICK THANKS TO PASSIONBOB – your simple review gave me an idea of where I want the next chapter to be going.

READ THIS. Please review the story (: be the Beckett to my Castle! my inspiration!


	6. perspective from a friend

Once again, I do not own any of these characters.

"Now remember Kate, no interrupting!"

"Just get on with it Lanie!"

"You're scared. You're so scared of actually trusting Castle that you keep him at arm's length girl. From day one that poor boy has made it VERY clear of what he wanted to develop between you two, yet you always shoot him down. I've seen him ask you out for dinner or simply to go over to his house to watch a movie with him and each and every single time I see you turn him down. Now I get that to you he may have done something wrong by putting his nose where it didn't belong, but not once did you ever ask his true intentions. Out of everyone at the precinct, I would say that he trusts you the most. Do you even know how much he trusts you?"

"Well… no."

"That's the problem! He trusts you with his life. Considering he has a family, that's a big thing for him to do. When you two finally were getting closer to finding your mothers killer, he was held at gunpoint and he trusted you to make the right decision. After that, he came to me to talk about him leaving and I said to leave it up to you. He knew the risks of him being at the precinct each and every day and was finally starting to see that. But even though he was just in a life threatening situation, he wasn't worried about himself."

"Was he worried about Alexis?"

"God Kate! You're that dense? No he wasn't even worried about Alexis. He was worried about YOU. He was so worried that one day he may do something so stupid it could end in something going wrong. I told him the worst that could happen was maybe you would break something but he said that was already too much. He is so concerned about your wellbeing and you don't even manage to see that."

"That makes no sense though Lanie! He's the one that is following me around day in and day out and he's concerned about me? I'm a cop, I carry a gun. The only thing he has is a freaking vest that says "WRITER" on it."

"Yet he still worries about you because he cares. He cares and that's the reason why he does everything to you or for you. That day when he was held hostage and came to talk to me, I asked him if he would have gone with the man if you hadn't shot him."

"He wouldn't have gone though Lanie! He has Alexis and Martha! I'm just a cop who he follows around, he couldn't care that much about me…. right?"

Silence. Lanie did not reply and this made Kate think. _He has a family to consider, yet he was still willing to put his life in danger just so that I could be at peace by finding my mother's killer. Idiot. _

"He would have gone?" Kate asked.

"He was planning on doing that before you shot the guy."

"But… But why?"

"Like I said, writer boy cares about you and you don't even realize it."

"He's never done anything to show that he does though!"

"Kate! You have got to be kidding me girl! You cannot be serious! Do you know the last time he had a date?"

"Probably last night or something, he's such a player."

"Wrong. So wrong."

Kate backtracked, "Wait. Me, wrong about Castle not having a date? When was the last time?"

"It's been months. I tried setting him up with a new friend of mine, Tracy, who is a total fan of him and I even asked him if he wanted to go to dinner with her one time and he said no. And let me tell you, Tracy's a model and he even knew what she looked like. And he still said no. Writer boy who would normally go after anything with ovaries said no to a smokin' hot chick."

"That doesn't make any sense though. He's Richard Castle! The bad play boy who stays out late every night clubbing!"

"Seriously? You seriously think that's him?"

"Well, no. He's always on page six though with some arm candy."

"Everyone of those pictures is with Gina, ex-wife and publicist. He doesn't stay out all night and you know that because he'd rather be at home playing laser tag with his daughter."

"So how does this prove he cares about me?"

"OH BOY THIS IS GOING TO TAKE A WHILE. He cares about you because you're the only woman he wants to have dinner with. You're the only other girl besides his publisher that he wants to take to parties and book launches. All of the silly little things about your past that you tell him, yes I do hear some of these things, don't even go into his book. All of your personal things that happen between the two of you stay out! For a while you even thought he was going to put your mother's death in there but he never was."

"Lanie, how do you know all this stuff?"

"Perspective my friend, it's all about perspective. Also allowing you to see it. You're too busy with your own insecurities to see that he wants to spend time with you."

"Then why'd he look into my mother's murder? Why did he quit?"

"The first question I'm not going to answer, so you can ask him that when you go to his apartment tonight, because you are, correct?"

"Yes because now I'm totally confused. Then can you answer why he quit?"

"Yes. Just like he came to me the day he was held at gunpoint in the precinct and thinking of quitting, he came to me again when he began having thoughts like these again. He was curious to know how you were before he came along and if you were happy thing. I said you weren't nearly as happy as you are now with him, not even with Will. Then all he could talk about was how maybe it wasn't best for him to be shadowing you anymore, helping him out here and there. I told him that was stupid but he brought up some good points. He said that he was sometimes in the way and a hassle to have around. More forms to be signed he said too. But I said if that was the price for Ryan, Montgomery and Esposito to be happy, and for YOU to be happy, those were things worth doing."

"Why else, Lanie? Why else did he quit?"

"Trust. That boy sure does know a lot about you, maybe even more than me. He knew that you trusted him, but only to a certain extent. He wanted to be let in on some things, but you wouldn't get past him doing something you told him not to do and his "bad boy" image. He told me when we first met that he hoped you could get past his image and get to see him, and he allowed you to see him for who he truly was. You just never reciprocated that trust back. The last thing he told me before he left was that he tried to get you to trust him with everything, but it hurt too much. Your fear of getting hurt didn't allow you to have the perspective that you should have had when looking at his actions and emotions towards you."

"That boy cares about you Kate are you finally starting to see that?"

"Yes, but is it too late?"

"You better not be giving up on this honey. You deserve him and he deserves you. You're perfect together. Heck, you even finish each other's sentences, which is something that not even Ryan and Esposito can do yet and they've worked together for years!"

Forgiveness. Castle sought after her forgiveness and showed how much he was sorry after looking into her mother's death. Forgiveness was something that she now needed to seek out of Castle for being so stupid for letting him slip right through her fingers. She always thought it was just a game of cat and mouse, but it had always been so much more. Lanie was right, he gave her plenty of signs and signals that should have showed her how much he cared, but all she did was block them out because of her fear of getting hurt. Forgiveness was what she needed, and if it was the last thing she did, she was getting it tonight.

Kate rose from the couch abruptly before grabbing the strawberry ice cream and spoons and putting the ice cream in the freezer and the spoons in the dishwasher. She ran into her bedroom and rummaged around and changed into a red low cut v-neck sweater and her favorite pair of jeans. Quickly rushing through the hall she grabbed her boots from beside the apartment door and slipped them on.

While opening the door she called over her shoulder to Lanie, "lock the door when you leave please! I'll talk to you tomorrow! Thanks for giving me perspective!"

(A/N) I would really like to thank all of the readers that have so far reviewed! IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE READERS WHO HAVE NOT REVIEWED, I SUGGEST YOU REVIEW. I REALLY WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU GUYS GAVE INPUT! Just like you, I still don't know whats going to happen!


	7. farewell, but not before a pinky promise

As always, I do not own any of these characters. This chapter isn't as long as the others, but it is definitely one of my favorites. 

NOTE: MOST OF THIS CHAPTER IS IN CASTLE'S POINT OF VIEW SO DO NOT GET CONFUSED!!

**(Beckett's Point of View)**

After that long conversation with Lanie she was at Castle's apartment for the second time in the past day. All she could think about was getting him back. _But did I really loose him? He was just a writer who needed inspiration… no. _Kate refused to believe that. Castle was more. Castle was _it _and it took her this long to figure it out.

Kate paced back and forth and began to think about last night when she went to his apartment. The night their friendship had taken an immediate shift. It shattered.

She was surprised when the door opened up to find Castle standing there in worn out jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt.

"Kate." He breathed out. "Come in," he added as he gestured her in side.

That's when all the memories from last night flooded through each of their minds.

_**Flashback (Yesterday - **__**Castle's**__** Point of View)**_

_Ice cream. Had his life really come to this? After finally making the decision to give up shadowing Detective Beckett at the precinct tomorrow, he took his sorrows to the freezer but was interrupted from loud banging from the front door._

_Castle quickly ran to the door thinking if he didn't, the person on the other side would end up breaking it down._

"_Detective" he said as he opened the door. Didn't expect her tonight, what a surprise he thought._

"_Hi Castle! Enjoying screwing with my mind lately? Can I come in?" she didn't wait for a reply and marched as Castle closed the door behind her._

"_Are Alexis and Martha here?"_

"_No…" he approached her carefully while continuing, "They went to see a show tonight."_

"_Guess it's my lucky day because I don't want them to hear this kitten." She growled. _

"_Detective what's wrong?" Did something happen to her? Was everything OK at the precinct? Thoughts were going through his mind at a mile a minute._

"_Kate. My name is Kate and I know you want to call me that." She came over here just to tell me that? He thought._

"_Okay? So then why are you here? I thought we dropped this discussion when I left the precinct earlier today?"_

_Rick looked into his eyes and first saw anger, but knowing Kate, he knew that she was experiencing sadness._

"_You dropped the discussion Castle! I wasn't done. You said GOODBYE! You never say goodbye! I don't want you to leave Castle!" she said as she took him into an embrace. _

"_Kate" he whispered into her hair._

_A muffled sound came out of her mouth when he began to pull back and put his hands on her shoulders._

"_You are strong Kate. You are better without me."_

_She went into a rage at the sound of this and pulled away entirely. She backed up a few paces and wrapped her arms around herself. Castle knew he had to word everything in a way that would allow her to understand, but not break her along the way._

"_NO! You don't know what's best for me! After all, I don't let you in right? I'm sorry! I can't loose you" she said as she pulled him back in for another hug._

"_It isn't your fault Katie," he murmured into her ear. _

_If Castle was being honest with himself, he knew that none of this was her fault. What was happening now was just the result of falling for a girl who didn't want to be caught and didn't know how to be caught. Castle always thought that eventually she would see him for what he was, and in time she did, but fear was the enemy. _

_Fear was pulling them apart. Fear for their work relationship changing, fear for getting to serious, fear for falling too fast, fear to trust, fear for breaking up, fear for falling in love, fear for everything. _

"_It is though. I'm sorry I don't always let you in. I get what you said about Will now. You knew I let him in but not anymore. I don't feel anything for him anymore. I want to see you everyday at the precinct. I don't want this to end."_

"_Ssshh… I know you don't. But that doesn't mean anything will change between us Kate."_

"_But it can now!"_

"_Kate you're upset. You're hurt you're angry and I can understand that, but it can't happen."_

_What causes a person to choose the path they are on? What are the underlying reasons beneath decisions and actions? Is it for the well-being of others? Is it an attempt for "normal?" Is it something that allows the other person to get what they deserve? _

_Or is it self-preservation - the natural instinct to protect yourself physically and emotionally? Was self-preservation the reason why they were here in his apartment at this moment in a goodbye embrace? _

_Was it because she was the child who put too much trust in others by lending out her crayons and then it backfired when they were returned broken and wrappers peeled? Was it because she was the girl who was too stubborn for her own good that it always led her to getting hurt? Was it because she was the teenager who lost something so near and dear to her heart that she couldn't see reason within the world for some time? Was it because she was the young adult who had to grow up before her time and miss experiences in order to take care of her alcoholic father? Or was it because she was the good woman who had gotten hurt all her life from people with malicious ulterior motives which led others like Rick to have trouble getting past her walls?_

_Was it because he was the child who was willing to do anything and pretended to be fearless when frightened in order to lead others to believe he was strong? Was it because he was the boy who got rid of his troubles by putting on a mask and pretending he was OK and content while his mother was on stage and not there for him? Was it because he was the teenager the often got into too much trouble too often in order to get some attention? Was it because he was the young adult who had a developing career at a young age and proven to be naïve by having two ex-wives and the only good thing coming out of it was his wonderful daughter? Or was it because he was the good man that was said to be untrustworthy that led others like Kate to build walls to protect themselves because they did not see his motives were genuine? _

_Two good people that both thought they needed to protect their hearts, but all they really needed was each other._

"_Don't leave…Stay with me." she whispered._

_He did not know how to reply to this. He couldn't stay with her as much as he wanted to. He needed to protect himself from heartbreak; he had suffered too much from her already by her not letting him in. Their whole issue was trust and although he trusted her with everything, his life, his heart, and his family, she did not trust him back. Every day he suffered a little bit more while his heart was torn apart because she thought he was just like everyone else that always had mysterious motives. _

_He decided the best way to deal with this was to take her hand in his own and lead her to the doorway. The expression "if you care about somebody, let them go" popped into his head._

"_Don't," she whispered._

"_I have to Katie," he replied._

_He had to say goodbye, for good. He would make sure to tell her how he felt, a letter perhaps? He could not let her see his raw emotions; she would end up fleeing because of the truth behind the words that were unspoken. This was too painful for him; she had rejected him too many times. She had been avoiding pain by not going out with him like he truly wanted, so why was it so bad that at a certain point, he avoids pain by leaving and giving up hope that he shouldn't have had?_

_Rick help up his pinky and with his other hand grabbed hers as Kate watched in bewilderment as he wrapped their two pinkies together. _

"_KB, no matter your thoughts of me not caring about you, from the bottom of my heart I do care despite what is happening. If you __ever__ need me, as a friend or someone just to hold you, I will be there no matter how much it hurts. I pinky promise." As their pinkies broke apart he whispered, "__You were so much more than my muse Kate__."_

_Rick leaned down toward her and just before his lips touched her forehead he whispered, "Farewell."_

_**End Flashback**_

"We have a lot to talk about Rick.," she said as he closed the door behind him.

(A/N) HMMM... 5 reviews until next update? SOUNDS GOOD. I feel bad that I practically force you to review but I really do love reviews. **_I may write the next chapter in Castle's point of view again but I'm not sure :/ leave a review on which one you would rather see or maybe I could alternate._** I don't know yet!


	8. midnight blue eyes that see everything

I do not own any of these characters, despite how much I wish I did.

:) smile.. () – since you asked so politely for another chapter, here you go!

I'm sorry if the plot has been a little bit confusing between me going back and forth from the past to the present. If it gets too confusing let me know and I'll try to clarify it for you. This isn't a very long chapter because it's more of a prechapter. Enjoy!

(PRESENT TIME)

"We have a lot to talk about Rick," she said as he closed the door behind him.

"I appears so Detective. I wasn't expecting you tonight so if I may ask, what are you doing here exactly?" he questioned.

"Late night booty call?" she joked.

Much to her surprise, he let out a chuckle.

"I haven't had one of those in a while now Detective."

"How long?" she asked.

Kate could tell he didn't want to answer her.

"I asked you a question and I suggest you answer it. May I remind you I have a gun?"

Another deep throated chuckle.

"A while now." He responded.

"How long?" she asked through clenched teeth.

He answered simply, "Months, maybe longer because I have Alexis to consider and I never found anyone worth coming here."

Kate looked into his eyes and saw honesty, sincerity. Did his statement mean that she was worth it since she had been over at his house on numerous occasions, not just NYPD business.

"Why'd you leave Castle?"

"Had to" was all he replied.

"I told you not to leave. It's just like you though to disobey orders though, right? I mean if you don't listen to me when I'm trying to save your life, why would you listen to me when I'm trying to save our relationship?"

"Detective, this isn't a good time to be talking about this."

"And just why not? Why do you get to decide what we talk about and when we talk about it?"

"It's just not the right time right now. It's late; you're tired and upset. Maybe we should deal with this later."

She looked over his appearance. He was wearing worn out jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt, causal and comfortable clothing she noted, much like her own red v-neck sweater and jeans. He looked fine to the standard observer, but she could always see past his facades. He looked tired, as if he had aged a few years since last night.

"You look like crap Castle." She said simply.

"I know," he said over he shoulder as he went to go sit on the couch in the living room.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she stayed a few steps behind him.

"Just peachy Detective" he said while he motioned for her to sit down beside him.

To Castle's surprise, Kate sat down right next to him and laid her head down on his chest while tucking her feet beneath her.

"God, when did it all get so complicated?" she asked when fiddling with his fingers.

"What?" he choked out. She could tell that he was feeling uncomfortable right now because of their current position, but she didn't care. All she needed was him and playing with his hands was relaxing.

"Just life in general. It used to be you could wake up in the morning and do whatever you wanted but now… sometimes it seems like you don't have a say in what happens in your life. When did life become something that was complicated?"

"When I showed up?"

"Castle…"

Now to Kate's surprise, Castle laid his head down on her own while watching her with his eyes. Midnight blue eyes that looked as though they had seen so much, but also so little at the same exact time. His eyes were going right through her green orbs. They were watching her every movement as if he could tell her next move. After dealing with him for so long, she was used to it now but today there was something different in his eyes. He looked sad, as if he had lost someone, and she had never seen this side of him.

"Rick…" she tried again. "My life has always been complicated, even before you waltzed into my life."

"I just make it more complicated though Detective and I realized that."

"Are you a masochist Castle?"

Another deep laugh erupted from his chest and she felt the comforting vibrations.

"No, but why are you asking this?"

"You give up a friendship with me, something that from what I can tell you care a lot about, and yet you look as though you've been through hell without."

"A bit sure of yourself now aren't we, _Detective_?" he teased.

Kate glanced up to look into his eyes for a moment, disrupting their current position, to show that she was serious before returning to their previous position.

"I don't regret what I did if that's what you're asking Detective."

"That's not what I'm asking _Rick_. Can we just be Rick and Kate now?"

"I find that hard to do though."

"Try." She countered.

"I don't know if I can anymore Kate." He said while sounding overcome and defeated.

"What are you scared of Castle?" she asked.

"I'm not really sure."

"Were you scared? Is that why you left? Why'd you give up? Why did you find it so easy to just walk away when you knew I wanted you to stay? How did you just walk away?"

He stayed quiet for some time. Seconds or minutes went by, she didn't know. She patiently waited because she knew it would be worth it.

"It wasn't so simple. Although you may think that every decision that I make is simple and easy, this one wasn't. I didn't just walk into the precinct one morning and casually decide over a cappuccino, which may I add that machine makes them marvelously, that I would leave and not see you again. It wasn't like that. It was agonizing to think about something that could affect you in such a way. I guess I'm afraid of anything that could affect you. The day I told you about your mother, I was terrified." He struggled while saying all of this, as if still debating about if he made the right choice. "I almost had to change my shorts," he added to make light of the conversation.

"Let's be serious for right now. I need to know. Why did you look into something that you knew would destroy us?"

"Kate…"

"I'm not leaving until you tell me Rick."

"Are you sure? It won't change anything."

"I think it will."

"The day I found out about your mother, I was mortified. Kate Beckett, the intellectual NYPD cop, had gone through so much pain. I thought about all of the difficulties in life that you faced and for every single night, heck, I still think about it. I know that you thought I felt sorry for you, but I really didn't. I would never pity you Kate. I was interested to such a point that I _obtained_ your mother's case file. From there –"

"How did you _obtain_ it?"

"That is unimportant in this conversation. Anyways, from there I became curious while looking into her file. You have to remember, at this point in no shape or for did you say that it was unacceptable for me to look into her file, so I reviewed it. I thought maybe I could help take away the pain that you face every morning when you put on your mother's ring that's on that long chain or when you slip on your father's watch. I admired you for both of those things, which was what led to me dig deeper. You know the story of what I found but you never saw past that. Yes, you forgave me and moved on but you never asked."

"I never thought I had to."

Castle was right; she never did think to ask about why he did it. All she thought about was betrayal and dishonesty, but with Castle, it was never just that.

"Will you tell me?" she asked.

"Will you listen?"

(A/N) short chapter I know. Much like my pre-chapter leading up to Lanie and Kate's conversation, this chapter is leading into Kate and Castle's conversation which will most likely be longer. Next chapter I'll go into his motivations and also when he already thought about quitting, so have no fear! Reviews as always are appreciated. It'd be really helpful if leave a review if you have any ideas about the conversation and where it will lead. As always, thanks for reading. Next chapter will either be up tonight or tomorrow. I'm aiming for tonight though.


	9. his decision and her unheard confession

I do not own any of these characters. Some of you may be mad at me for this chapter, it's super angst in my opinion! very drama filled.

* * *

Previously…

Castle was right; she never did think to ask about why he did it. All she thought about was betrayal and dishonesty, but with Castle, it was never just that.

"Will you tell me?" she asked.

"Will you listen?"

* * *

When do we stay with someone? Do we stay when we can't live without the other person? Do we stay even when our heart is begging us to leave but the other person is in need? Do we stay when we know that if we are around long enough, maybe; just maybe, they'll see what's been there all along? Do we stay because we can relate to what the other is going through? Or do we stay simply because we want to be happy?

When do we leave someone? Do we leave when we are sure that the best thing is for them to part ways with the other? Do we leave when we have done something so wrong, the other cannot forgive? Do we leave when the other person just can't see you? Do we leave when the other person can see you, but is too afraid to jump and take a risk? Do we leave even when every muscle in our body tells us not to, but because it's the right thing to do? Or do we leave because it's the only way to treat ourselves fairly and avoid pain?

* * *

**_CASTLE'S POINT OF VIEW!_**

"Why did you look into my mother's case Rick?" she asked while they were still leaning against each other on his couch.

"It really isn't a question of why I did it. It wasn't like I had a choice in the matter. I had to do it. I –"

"No! See that's where you're wrong Castle, you had a choice and you decided that even though the _rational_ part of your brain was telling you that I would be upset when I found out, you continued to do it!"

"No, that's not even remotely close to what happened Kate. I couldn't watch you suffer inside while you _pretended_ that you were OK every single day of your life because that's what you thought others wanted from you. I couldn't idly stand by when I could be doing something, when I could be helping you find your mother's murderer along with any other possible victims out there. I couldn't just be there as a shoulder to cry on when I knew that I could have fixed it. If I didn't look into that case file, I wouldn't have been able to face you."

"But it was my decision to allow you to continue or not! Did you ever think throughout that whole time that maybe _I _wouldn't have wanted you to dig into it?"

"Oh of course I did. I thought about it every time I so much as thought of that folder. Every time I got a little closer, I thought about what you would think, how you would react. But it never stopped me."

"Why did you keep looking into it?"

"Because I couldn't watch you go through that since I care so much about you."

"If you cared so much about me then why did you almost leave that first time?"

"Again, because I care."

"Seriously!" she said as she pulled apart and distanced herself from him on the couch.

Silence. Kate could never understand he finally realized. She could never see that despite the walls she puts up around herself, others still want to be close to her. How could he make her understand and see reason when she was clearly aggravated, yet at the same time wanted him?

"How can you sit here and tell me that you didn't listen to what I said about not looking into my mother's murder because you care? If you cared, you would have left it alone and let me be."

"No."

"What do you mean 'no' Castle?! I was fine without knowing my mother's killer."

"Can't you see though? That's what sets me aside from every one else! I'm the one person in your life that doesn't believe that! I can se that when you didn't know your mother's killer, you couldn't live. You sought after justice for every victim's family, so why is it that you believe that you didn't deserve it as well? You lie every day when you tell people you're okay when you're dying inside. I couldn't stand to see you like that."

"What? You think I'm wrong about this? You did something I asked you not to do and then when we get around to finding who did it, after I shoot Conan, you just want to walk away. Just like you did yesterday! What leads a person to do that?"

His patience was wearing thin now. She doesn't understand my motives because no one else ever cared about her enough to find the truth, even if it meant she got hurt along with him.

Trying a different approach now he began, "I thought you understood me Kate, but you obviously don't. This is my last attempt to make you see my reasoning because I can't handle this anymore, caring for you is breaking me. Just like you got hurt, I got hurt in the process. I don't want to call you dense, but you didn't even manage to see my pain every day. You were the one person that I could be myself with, whether it is behind closed doors or out in public, but here you are asking to justify my reasons beyond me saying that I care! But I shouldn't have to because God Kate, that should be enough!"

"And what if it isn't?" she asked quietly.

Silence again echoed through the living room. She brought up a good point; what if caring about her wasn't enough? Caring about her hurt him so much in the past, so it makes sense that caring about her now was tearing him apart. She needed to be in control but he couldn't let her be in control all by herself. He cares that much about her to make sure that she isn't in this alone, yet she always pushes him away because she thinks she needs to be alone.

"If it isn't, then I cant stand to watch you get hurt anymore. I can't be that person is backstage while you are all alone. I never want you to be alone, but I can't be with you when it kills me."

Rising to his feet he looked down to see green eyes searching for answers, demanding for his reasons. He could offer her more, but that would bring him down in the process.

He bends down to kiss her cheek and as he pulls away he says, "Stay as long as you would like, I'll be in my study."

As he walks away he feels the distance growing between them. Her walls are being built up so high that she may never let him in again, but he either has to leave to protect himself or stay because she needs him. But which he will choose, he still does not know.

Finally opening the door to his home office he looks back and catches her eyes. Her eyes are begging for him to stay and begging for him to leave.

While standing in the doorframe he says with emotion, "if me caring isn't enough for you, I can't be with you, in any sense of the word."

The sound from the doorframe overpowered the words that leave her lips, making the words go unheard by her best friend.

"It is enough."

* * *

REVIEW PLEASE! hope you enjoyed and this carries you on until the next chapter which i promiseee will be longer. but if it isn't, don't get mad lol. as always i love it when people make suggestions. to **andy1990** i'm sorry i didn't use your suggestion, i may still use it but i'm not sure yet. thank you anyways in the event i do not! i may use it in another fanfic i write though. feel free to continue making suggestions!


	10. opening up

I've decided I've been a horrible, and I repeat HORRIBLE, author to this story. I haven't updated in quite some time and I feel so guilty when I get messages about when I will be continuing. Well, this is for all of the very devoted readers to this story and I hope it goes beyond your expectations, and if it doesn't... too bad... ahaha no. Then I'm sorry and please feel free to give me some ideas/pointers.

* * *

Previously in "Their Story"…

While standing in the doorframe he says with emotion, "if me caring isn't enough for you, I can't be with you, in any sense of the word."

The sound from the doorframe overpowers the words that leave her lips.

"It is enough."

_**KATE BECKETT'S POINT OF VIEW (it's now about 4 am and we are still at Casa Castle)**_

He hadn't heard her, she was sure of it. She should have said it with more confidence; she should have said it loud and clear to let him know she was serious. Instead, the most important confession she had ever made only came out in a whisper.

She finally admitted it. She finally came to terms with someone actually caring about her without actual wicked and cruel motives behind them. Surprisingly, Richard Castle was the man that made her see she did not have to be alone, nor did she want to. It shouldn't have surprised her as much as it did; after all, he previously had helped her before. Even when she hadn't met him, he helped her especially with her mom's death. When they became friends and after he told her that her mother was targeted, he helped her again with dealing with all the grief and sorrow. When she had woken up screaming, with sweat beads on her forehead and damp sheets, and she called him at an ungodly hour, he came. He had a daughter and a mother at home to worry about, and he still came. Occasionally he would come with ice cream and just sit there while she dealt with it with him in her presence. He never pushed her she realized. He always allowed her to choose how she dealt with the situation, and maybe that's another reason why they were feuding. Maybe if she let him in more and was more personal, they wouldn't be fighting. He needed that; no he deserved that at the very least.

Rick only chose to look into her mother's death because he cared. He was different from anyone else that was told or heard about her mother's murder because he had honestly shown genuine concern. Unlike Will, he took action despite the pain that it might cause her. Despite knowing that if he continued looking into her mother's case he would quite possibly never be forgiven, he still did it. Well aware that it could destroy their relationship, he still made an effort to make her more at ease with the world. He had said that he wanted her to be able to trust people and see that although murders happen everyday, most of the world and it's populations weren't murderers. They were good people and not killers, whether physically or emotionally. Unlike anyone else that had been told about her mother's murder, he chose a different route and instead of being sympathetic, he chose to be someone and the thing that she needed.

She did not see Richard's reasoning at first, but the clarity she needed had finally come. He explained to her tonight that he did what most people would never do, which was go against her wishes, simply because he cared. He cared which was why he risked so much just to find her mother's killer. He had risked his friendship with her, his friendship with Montgomery, his friendship with Ryan and Esposito, along with possibly loosing inspiration for his novels, all for her. When he was telling her his logic she saw that same look in his eyes when he talked about Alexis. When he talked about Alexis, in his eyes you could see that she was his world and meant everything to him, which was why he would be willing to risk it all just for her. In his voice you could hear how proud he was that he had such an amazing daughter. Similar to those times, when he talked about her, the same gleam would be in his eyes and you could tell that he would do anything for Kate. In the same manner, his voice would allow you to understand the respect and fondness he had towards her that no one else had ever given her. She had to question why he went to look beyond the case reports but she never had to question the fact that he cared. As soon as he said it with truth in his eyes and voice, she believed him at once because she felt the same way towards him. If it had been something devastating happen in his life, she realized she would have done something of the same value to let him know he was not alone. When she came to this conclusion, she forgave him and recognized that him caring about her was enough. She could truly let him in now - mind, body, and soul.

Here was not so fearless Kate Beckett sitting in Richard Castle's apartment, thinking on his couch about the type of man he was when she could fix everything. She could fix the whole thing and make it how it was supposed to be, how it needed to be. Without him… she would be lost. She couldn't loose herself again. She needed to prove to him like he had shown her, that she did indeed care about him and was willing to share personal feelings and emotions with him.

After rising from the couch, Kate walked towards his study with her with determination and softly knocked on the door before entering.

She took in their surrounding to find the only light coming from the window where Richard was standing.

Walking over to stand beside him she slowly reached out towards his face and smoothed the wrinkles out of his forehead gently with her fingers.

She followed his gaze and looked out towards the window and saw him overlooking the city.

"After I lost my mother…" she began.

His blue orbs found her emerald green ones and held them steady, silently urging her to continue her story and begging her to let him in.

When she finally saw the reassurance in his eyes she started again, "After I lost my mother I thought I lost everything. I couldn't think straight for days but I had to go on for my father. The clearest memory I have of that time was when we were planning her funeral. At that point, my father was just so lost he wasn't taking care of himself so I had to. I made most of the funeral arrangements and when the funeral finally came, I wouldn't leave my father's side in fear that someone would say something that would shatter him. That day I barely let go of his hand and we went everywhere together. When the time came at the burial for everyone to say his or her goodbyes my father and I were the last to go up. When we got there we didn't speak at all until my father reached into his pocket and pulled out a necklace. I instantaneously recognized it and my eyes started tearing up as he placed it over my head and when it lay on my chest my father said, 'Katie, she would have wanted you to have this. Your mother and I loved each other so much, but she loved you even more and you lit up her world. You will continue making me proud and even though sometimes you'll call into question what goes on in the world, don't think that this didn't happen for a reason. This could have happened to lead you to your job, you soul mate, anything for that matter. Just don't give up and don't give in'. After that day, my dad took his pain to the bottle and again I found myself taking care of him. The weird thing is, a child never expects or sees that they need to take care of their parents; I always thought that he would be taking care of me, not the other way around. Eventually, he sobered up which is why I wear the watch, but you already know that. I saved his life after I lost my mother, but I lost myself."

"You needed to be saved," he whispered.

She took in their current embrace. She didn't know when he had walked behind her and wrapped his muscular arms around her, all she knew was that he was holding her and that was all she needed and wanted. He gave her a slight squeeze and a gentle kiss on the crown of her head, telling her to continue.

"I eventually began to find myself again though. I started doing things I loved again but they just didn't hold the same value anymore. I remembered my mom had loved reading so I went through some of her reading material. That day, the first book that I picked up in her collection was the first novel in your Derek Storm series. I flipped it over and read it and immediately I was intrigued. From that day on, I read every single one of your books in order and they helped me find myself along the way. I never though that I would admit this… your books are the reason that I became a NYPD cop. In your books, you gave so much hope to the reader that I realized I myself needed hope. You wrote the characters to be real people that wanted to find justice in the victim's killer that I wanted to find that for myself. In your stories, everything wasn't put into a box neatly and it was sometimes choppy. You helped the victim's family find closure, something that I was still lacking. After I went to school and got my degree and later became a cop, I sought after my mother's killer so I could find that peace of mind that your characters got. Unfortunately, it did take a turn for the worse and again I started loosing insight of whom I was. Eventually with the help of my dad and friends, including Lanie, I got back on track but I still wasn't living. I tried having relationships but the longest one I had was with Will, and you know how that ended. No one could make me feel again, no one could make me want to laugh at something so stupid and so silly so I lost hope in relationships and didn't go out much after that. Then…"

"What?" he urged her on.

"You came along."

Upon hearing her statement, his arms dropped but before she could protest he took her hand.

Walking in front of her Rick guided Kate to a couch in his study where they both sat relatively close to one another.

"It just doesn't make sense to me Kate. Everyday you say I annoy you." He said with questioning eyes.

"I'll admit that you sometimes do but you really don't. You're the first person that can really make me happy. Even Lanie noticed it."

"It's my goal everyday Katie. I just want to make you smile."

"And you do. I'm forever grateful Rick because if it weren't for you, I don't know who I would be right now."

"You'd still be you without me."

"I highly doubt that" she whispered as a response.

"You would. Don't be uncertain about yourself Kate. You're a strong woman and from what you've just told me, it's not all from rainbows and butterflies. Every thing you went through made you the person you are today, not just me. You're independent and it's undeniable that you are a wonderful person."

"Thank you."

He shrugged.

"Rick I mean it. Thank you for everything."

"You'd do the same."

"You're right and you're wrong."

In his eyes the moonlight was reflected, showing his questions again.

"I would want to do the same for you but I'm not so sure I could. I know I always thought that the disintegration of our partnership didn't mean much to you, but I know you suffered as well. I wouldn't be able to put myself through that I don't think for anyone else's benefit. Except yours. I know this may sound weird coming from me Rick, the person that says they'd be better off without you everyday, but you're my best friend."

"Thank you. That means a lot, more than you will ever know Kate. You're mine too and I'm sorry we had to go through this in order to figure out what we mean to one another.

"So am I Rick. So am I." she whispered as she leaned into the heat that was radiating off of his body.

* * *

Well... there you have it, I think. I may end the story here or may continue it with a sequel or directly from this story. I'd greatly appreciate it if readers would give me an idea about what they would prefer to see plot wise. If I do continue, I will make a note saying I shouldn't wait this long to update

review please? :]


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